Goddamn this weather. Something aint right with weather like this. Sky has darkened to a menacing silver grey, forget daylight. Sleet rushes by horisontally. No, something's wrong here.
Posts
Blogging alone you know, like in that famous report on declining voluntary work and the downfall of associations in the US, bowling alone... It's always been like this. It is a one way story, not at all a place or a way to build a true community. I write, you read (or you don't). Sure, you can comment, but that's not the point. Since finding gmail i have been blogging for an audience of one. And i get as much as i give. So it's fair trade. Over here, as a result, i find myself less and less often. In this case, the medium is not the message. The message is what happens inside you, reading this, and what you subsequently do as a result. Yeahm I know, tlak about superficial problem in a world looking like this. Well, what can i say? It's real to me. Anyway, it is vare late, or very early, depending, and i have no sleep in me. Ergo i go here. Let this be my sleeping pill...
It suddenly strikes me. Murakami and Auster are modern day Hemingways'. Both write short, sharp prose Hemingway style, but with the allussion to something deeper. The seemingly mundane is hinting at something hidden. The naivistic story line can drive you crazy with exasperation, frantically looking for the subtext you feel convinced is in there. More often than not you do not find it, but the promise remains. And keeps you reading. Perhaps the mystery is really simple too, and it is all about the search, that keeps you curious and open minded. I don't know for sure. That's the whole point.
Meriva dream
Sigh. Nope, wont have the dough to spend for a bike, even with 30% winter season discount. Dunno, maybe i am fooling myself, thinking that i would get more exercise with a bike that has gears, and a decent seat. Well… I will dream on… See more progress on: get a new bike
So my friend Trissan wrote a column about blogging, admiring political blogs, and making fun of, or being perplexed about the blogs of "ordinary, boring people". She claimed to see their point, but it remained clear to me she missed it entirely. Sure blogs from politicians can be fun, as from people in extraordinary circumstances. But they are extensions of the current media system. It not like they are the forgotten people, we hear almost too much of them anyway, the celebs and the politicians. Now they try to tell us they have a "human" face, which of course they have. But that doesn't alter their political behaviour. I do not feel sorry for them, blogs from that direction makes me suspicious. I think blogging is a medium many now tries to use for different purposes, media, politicians, celebreties, as well as the rest of us. I agree with Trissan about the interesting perspectives sometimes offered in personal blogs from people with a knack for writing. And i
Saw My best minute, an open competition for 1-minute films, recently. Some 18 films were submitted, and obviously the quality varied a lot. But the freshness was unmistakable. It made me want to dust off our camera and start shooting again. On the way home i started thinking about two short stories i would like to make. Hmm, yes, i think i will now. Have to jot down the ideas before they disappear.
So I was at this big celebration, right? I was there in lieu of my boss, who couldn't come. In the very last second he provided me with the address/greeting i was to read. There were some 150 perople there, all went smoothly. We heard some music, saw a little dancing, heard some speeches. It was pretty laid-back and relaxed. Then it was my turn. I had rehearsed. The text was not long. and yet i felt nervous. I read calmly enough. But i wasn't happy. I didn't like my input. Something is the setup didn't work. I guess most people didn't notice, but i did. And i am annoyed that i cannot even put my finger on it. It just left me with an itchy feeling.
Today i have started writing my daily Finnish sentences. I will do this. I will. And someday i will learn too. First attempt: Aluksi tuntuu synkältä. Päivät pimenevät ja lyhenevät. Työmäärä kasvaa entisestään. Ei silti tarvita kun yksi aurinkoinen aamu, ja kas, kaikki tuntuu taas kulkevan helpommin. Kumma, eikö vaan? Ulkona on yhtä synkkä. Maailma on edelleen epäoikeudenmukainen. Mikään ei ole oikeastaan muuttunut. Silti sydän hakkaa, elämää maistuu. Ehkä pitäisi sanoa että onneksi on näin. Onneksi pystymme antamaan tunteet valloittaa meidät. Edes hetkeksi. Päivän suomenkielinen teksti.
Dilbert-like feeling. Musicstation ok, but inside of me feels strange. i am not really there. happens sometimes. loads of smaller work tasks accomplished, yet a queasy feeling in my guts, approaching storm on the radar. bits and pieces of me not connetced. feel disjointed. hard to shape up and shake out. tiredness, exhaustion, or something else. damned if i know. there-said it.
Travel poison
Yeah, i know, and agree, not an awfully inventive thing to have travel to all the places i’ve never been as one of the first in my 43 things. What can i say? It was early days, and i was playing it safe. Now it serves me as a reminder of times gone by. I even suspect the perverse of the Imp to have machinated this rather contrived wish into my then pristine list. Because, let’s face it, i’m no spring chicken. I’ve been around the blocks couple times now. And it aint all that great, these travels. It is more the idea of travel that allures the unwary couch traveller. The sing-song of faraway. Not that i loath the necessary inconveniences associated with travél. No what i try to dissect here is the results of half baked wishes, whisked too quickly from the oven, and pret-a-porter-offered. It offers a glimpse into a psyche playing by the ear, while careful not to commit too strongly. Ah, yes, this is the heart of the matter. To most, it will seem totally inconspicous though, and therein l
(in)visible
I’m one of those that can feel lonely in the middle of a busy street, on a crowded bus, or in a party full of happyers. I withdraw, close my inner eye (and often write, pitying myself). Or, at least, that used to be me. The more i live, the more i value the feeling of being seen by someone. I think most people feel this way. That, for me to have a good life, i mostly need to be seen, accepted for who i am. I need to see the people around me too. I need to show them my love, to remain curious, open-minded, and generous. But how to look when you deep down feel shy? I have a hard time looking people in the eye, even though that is exactly what i should be doing, if i am to see anything at all. This is something i have not yet figured out. Suggestions, anyone? Anyone? See more progress on: See, and be seen
Fragment, you say? Nonsense, or this is not the Fireside. Quick, before they bring out the dead. Ring the bell. Let it be heard. We have the same taste now. Unsure, I take my usual escape route. I fold my hands in my lap. Like the sound of rustling leaves. Wet earth. Hills of houses. Elaborate doors. We can see no more. That simply would not do.
why russian?
So, why i wanna learn russian? dunno. always wanted to. fascinated me, always. not just as the big neighbour next door, but as something far more. I think it is true we are what we think, that is to say, each language has a different approach, perception and therefore understanding of the world. Not that i think we would find the one solution, or the one language to unite us all, or to explain it all. Languages represent different cultures, and different angles at approaching the world. Yet while that makes me wanna learn all the languages i possible can in my lifetime, some fascinates more than others. For me, these languages are Finnish, Portugese, Italian, Latin, Russian and Japanese/Chinese. And i would really like/enjoy learning to get by, and gradually more, in Russian. Only, i suck, and always did, at grammar. For me, it is all about learning by doing. And, at the moment that does not seem very likely… See more progress on: learn Russian
Everybody's gearing up for the cold season, but we keep being baffled by the temperatures. It's warm folks. The winter coats, gloves, shoes, hats, mittens etc all patiently wait, brought down from storage, but still hidden away. There is a promise of colder times, but then, no, nothing. I for one can't wait until they finally open the skate rinks again and we go playing hockey with our friends and all the kids. Although I will likely have to wait for quite some time yet... Meanwhile i spend my time over at 43 things and learn a lot of new stuff. It's not so bad.
Wake up! September's over! It was the first of October. I heard the waves lapping at my feet. Far away boats were visible. The sand under me felt warm, the sun still radiating heat. Now the water looked clean, inviting. But forbiddingly cold. Happy laughter could be heard form all over. The kids were like crazy. This, an unexpected boon in a usually wet and chilly month. Yes, the trees has shifted and were on fire. And sure enough nights have become colder. But this last day at the beach felt really good. Like a small time capsule of this extraordinay summer we had. Sent like a gift, and enjoyed accordingly. Thank you, someone.
Late at night. Again. All the others are asleep. Worn out from a tough week. Me, I eat muesli and watch garbage TV. We just got two more channels in our DIGIbox package. Yihaa. More rubbish. Read yesterday that the water tower might actually become a café. That would be cool our island lacks a good café. Apart from Mutteri, which is (smoky but) nice, we don't have any cafés with personality here. Only generically branded ones, and they suck. If only i had a decent digicam i could prove it to you. As it is you have to take my word for it.
Candlelights in darkness, biting chilliness in the air outside. Children sound asleep. Me, I'm still struggling to write my story from Iceland. Man, it has never been this difficult to get the magazine published! Like wading in syrup!! And i have 4 issues to publish before the end of the year. Talk about workload... But the candles, the nice smells, a cup of tea, some music, and a few hours worth of concentration feels really good too! -J
Slow time. Birds eating from our peep show table. They are in a frenzy. Rumble of a bike outside. Wind messing with our tree. Occasional cars. The house is quiet. Waiting. Dr. Kosmos and his lasergun are done. The music for a blogging generation. Some journos in Sweden loves to hate it. Gives the other side a face. Something to poke at. Me, i just laugh. This is my childhood described. And from this distance in time and space i smile. I finish my grapefruit, empty my cup of tea (prince william) and think about today. Nice.
Tour de force
I have been following the development of Neal Stephenson, and have read all his books (yes i tend to get a bot obsessed with authors i like). They have become better all the time. Cryptonomicon was quite a read, and the Baroque Cycle is one better. It is popular history, vivid imagination, sharp language skills, and a keen sense of details, all wrappep together in a lot of pages. The scope is so large it is almost breathtaking, and i lived in this cycle for quite some timne. Now i have left them all behind me, and feel the poorer for it. Sure you have to invest your time, but the payoff is more than satisfying. There is something about the smoothness is his writing that gets to me. See more progress on: Read the “Baroque Cycle” in its entirety
September caught me unawares, and i am down with the flu. Me, how odd. It has given me some unexpected free time to hang online, add some entries, and look at the crispness of autumn biting into the leaves, shaking the stems of our yards' birchtree, foaming up the waters around us. It is not a water you go dip yourself in voluntarily. Night arrives always earlier, home feels like a safe and cosy place (strange how it is always the same), and the smells of autumn are awesome. Suddenly 9/11 passes, and it is far away. Right now, for a couple of hours, i feel safe from the world. In retreat.
despite all expectations...
the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (a triology in 5 parts) really did deliver. At least, so it felt back in time when i read it. Interesting thought, can it be re-read with the same result? Usually it seems a bad idea to revisit your dreams, and try to re-enact good experiences, as the copy is always partly filled with additional expectations. I read it, i got lost in it, it was important. If i would be dissapointed now, does that make the books lees important, does it degrade my original euphoria? I would like to think not. See more progress on: Read “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
Italy, land of contradictions
Not only did i travel there, i decided to live there for close to a year. Well, sortg of. My wife is an artist, and she got a scholarship to stay in Firenze for 10 months, so i quit my job and tagged along. That is already 10 years ago. It was an interesting experience, in a land full of contraditions. I like the history, the language, the films, the wine, the food, the climate, some of the music. I don’t like the snobism, the social divide, the shallowness, the egotism, etc etc. I don’t know whether these two sides are inseparable or not. I found out that i would not like to live in Italy, but i quite like visiting it. The books the Italians and the New Italians (if i remember the titles correctly) were really quite good introductions to, and explanations of, some of the history and mentality of thet country (or i should say countries) See more progress on: go to Italy
Textflow
It shouldn’t be so hard, should it? You sit down in front of your screen, and start tapping away. By writing at least half a page per day you should be finished in no time. I wonder. Why is it i cannot seem to finish my university studies? All i need to do is now to complete my paper, and i am done. But the screen remains white, the cursor blinking alone on that sheet of virtual paper. And i find myself remembering old friends, looking at something at home that needs fixing, writing this entry here…you get the drift. It is really amazing how it can come to seem so complicated. And i even like studying! Weird. See more progress on: finish my degree
sort of freedom
To learn how to sail has been a thing i wanted to do since i was quite young, and although no expert, and not with a mind for competing and racing, i can now manage ok on a sailing boat. it isn’t all that complicated, the thing is to have good, relaxed instructors, and not tyrants with ego problems. I guess you also have to be of a certain mind to enjoy the cramped space, the humid bunks, and the monotony of sailing. It is not for all people. And the skills do not simply involve knowledge of what rope to pull when, but also (and more importantly) skills of patience, coordination, trust… See more progress on: learn how to sail
dream come true?
for years i dreamed of making one, or several children’s books. We used to make up stories as we were walking, quite enthralled with the ideas we made up. Years later i got kids, and the process restarted, mostly as inventing bedtime stories, which gradually grew in scope and depth. So far, it hasn’t resulted in anything, but the thought was reawakened. Indirectly it helped me put together three books make by the pupils in the school leo attends. The pupils all contributed with one story each, and with a drawing (there are 39 students in Leo’s year class, divided in three groups). One of the books actually had our bedtime story as a theme, and it was fun to see what the kids invented. I haven’t yet gotten around to completing anything of my own, also partly because the amount of very good children stories are so abundant in Scandinavia. But i think i still would like to. See more progress on: Publish a series of children’s books
creating stories from images
making them come alive, putting them into context. Rediscovering the joy in playing, building bridges. http://larjanko.fotopages.com See more progress on: Take more pictures
Did it once, wanna do it again
I happened to find a book in a flea market in Helsinki with a Bookcrossing tag, read the book (quite good), and checked out when and where it was released into the wild. It felt really good, somthing similar to my sailing days when you would meet other boat-faring people in harbours and exchange paperbacks. I wanna do it again! That is, both sail, and find more bookcrossing books See more progress on: find a bookcrossing book
Lifelong learning
Like most other people i had a hard time at times in school. Even if i managed ok, i still vowed not to return to that particular part of the world. And here i am, working with lifelong learning and adult education. It may still sound boring and intimidating, but it’s basically about communication, listening to people, daring to enter into dialogue. As a journalist i see the similarities, and although at times it is difficult i always feel that is is immensely rewarding. See more progress on: teach a class
