September caught me unawares, and i am down with the flu. Me, how odd. It has given me some unexpected free time to hang online, add some entries, and look at the crispness of autumn biting into the leaves, shaking the stems of our yards' birchtree, foaming up the waters around us. It is not a water you go dip yourself in voluntarily. Night arrives always earlier, home feels like a safe and cosy place (strange how it is always the same), and the smells of autumn are awesome. Suddenly 9/11 passes, and it is far away. Right now, for a couple of hours, i feel safe from the world. In retreat.
For years i felt like i belonged to some other place. I was born and grew up in Göteborg, on the west coast of Sweden. My father is Swedish, my mother is Finnish. I grew up with my mother, and i always identified with her Finnish roots. Every summer we went to Finland, i learned some (not much) Finnish, and felt like i belonged there.
Turning 20 i decided to move there. I went "home", or so i thought. I quickly discovered that they did not much care for me there. My family relations there were not especially happy to see me, nor did they keep much in touch. The swedish speaking minority was not very open, to put it mildly. I thought we would through a common language be able to communicate, but i soon found out that there was not much in common there.
In short, it would take years to adapt. Hence i have done exactly that, and found a place for me. Now having lived in Helsinki for close to 18 years i consider it "home". But as i walk these streets i realise i am no
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